


The  Holiday's Wristband That Wasn't White But Wasn't Black

by orphan_account



Category: Daft Punk
Genre: 2014-2015, Angst, Christmas, Cute, Fluff, Gay, Holliday, Love, M/M, Mental Illness, Mention Of Sucide But No Violence, Metaphore, New Year, Novel Free Form, Parisian, Romance, Slice of Life, Sweet, daft slash, deep, hospital au, obstacles, prose, teen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-04 13:53:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3070586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY </p><p>24 December 2014 .<br/>Two teenagers.  Thomas. Guy-Manuel . One hospital. One wristband .<br/>Together they will heal . Healing their demons , their problems .<br/>Together they will go through darkness. And even find love . Two broken hearts united and fixed by one wristband.<br/>Because grey is better than black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 24 December 2014

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: this story is mostly dedicated to A. A... I wonder if you still have the wrist brand. I wonder if you had a good Christmas or if it was grey, as the one we had for a moment on this gloomy waiting room. I still remember your eyes, when you told me out of time; « you’ll make a great author » after I told you I could write a novel with this day, the 23 December in Albert Prevost. If you ever read this, just call me. I would like to meet you if I can. ..or you can just tell me if you still have the wrist band , and then , I’ll be relieved because you will still be thinking of me You really were pretty with these red hair ...
> 
> Other than that, all that happened in the fanfiction is strongly inspired by what happened in a real story. I write that not only to critique some situation but to prove that it’s weird and funny how in the darkest situation we can find a small light. Even if it’s not white, at least its grey and it’s not black. 
> 
> GRAMMAR NOTE : Sorry. My keyboard was broken . Please take not that these ; « » are the same as these : '' '' .  
> For me, it’s more of a long story than a fanfiction. And even a novel. But like someone told me in an emergency room; it’s bad to always put categories and label on people.
> 
> And I hope everyone will enjoy this story of faith and battle. Just like the one who inspired me...

**9:00 A.M, Saint-Albert’s Psychiatric Institute (Paris)**

The beautiful pine trees were standing tall next to the road as he saw the entrance of the psychiatric hospital becoming closer as her mother rode.His eyes were squinted and he was lightly shaking.A tiny shroud of snow covered the road and the mown, barely hiding the dead lily bushes lining the entrance. He moaned, his mind foggy and his heart heavy. He wanted to cry but couldn’t find any energy left to cry his tears properly; even for that, he felt weak.Thomas snorted as the beautiful but sad institute welcomed him with the shady grey stones dating of the XIXe, with high walls and great window. He yielded, tears shining at the corner of his eyes. He was destroyed and now he was feeling completely lost. His mother parked the car in a loud sigh, not even caring of paying for the place. We were 9 o clock in the morning, 24 December. Really ah, it was the most wonderful time of the year...

Really? Wow

Thomas couldn’t tell if he still wanted to die now that he could see that the hospital and the institute looked even worth than all his pain. His mother sighed and parked the car, taking a few seconds of silence to look at her son, who was looking down at his hands playing nervously with his right rainbow wrist brand he got in an LGBtQiA association.

« It will be ok, Thomas. They will help you ... »

Thomas snorted and bit his lips. Maybe too much as he felt a drop of blood streaming on his inferior dry lip; he licked it and chew his cheek, instead:

« Ca reste à voir. I don’t see anyone who could help me, no one understands me. »

His mother sighed, her tired eyes glaring deeply at Thomas before tousling his brown luscious curls with affection. She whispered breathily:

« I am sure we will find someone inside who can darling. Take your things and don’t forget anything! You’ll see, you just have to open the door Thomas! »

Thomas growled,   and followed his mother, his arms fold on the blue bag he was holding on his chest:

« If all the doors look the same, who cares if there is many rooms to explore. »

His mother didn’t replied and rang at the door. Because in Saint-Albert, you may go in but you never go on: as long as you are suffering, as long as you are lost...

Thomas and his mother raised their arms as the Security Guard was inspecting them with a metal detector. Like if Thomas was dangerous...

He then grumpily welcomed them though Thomas didn’t wanted to feel « Welcomed » here. The doors closed behind, as the Security Guard pressed a red button on a panel, aside the door. Thomas jolted at the around of them locking for good now, as he looked at the second doors that opened on a dull and pathetic psychiatric hospital’s waiting room. The walls were painted in a painting tint that was reminiscent of the one who was used for the walls of hospitals; a hideous and faded blue. However, the support columns were bright red, and made violent and aggressive contrast with the yellow cream roof and the powder blue walls that dominated the place. Black polyester chairs were arranged in an arc and were all fixed to the ground, made of faded white ceramic tiles. The room was facing a short corridor with rows of different psychiatrist’s offices, the tiny office of the secretary and the burse nurse, in the lead, completed the registration area. The left side wall of the waiting room, located on the hall was occupied by the office of the security agents. Down the hall there was no coming, but near a public telephone at the service for patients was the only door that served as access to other aisles of the psychiatric hospital.  That was, in a nutshell, the description of the fabulous waiting room of the St-Albert’s Psychiatric Hospitals, as seen by the eyes of Thomas.

Thomas looked at her mom who smiled, taking him to the registration office.

* * *

 

**9:30, Outside the Sorel Chartry’s Hospital (Paris)**

His mind was foggy, he just had the permission to leave the hospital...to go to another one, a worst one. He flicked his greasy hair: the last time he showered was four days ago when he was at home.Ahahaha. Home. Home was the ironic way he was using to call the St-Laurent Foyer Pour Jeunes Délinquants a home. In other word, the center for junky kids of Paris, was what he called a home. Recently his « home » kicked him out after he did a crisis.He promised he would try to stop taking drug. He promised he wouldn’t do a crisis again.And even more; after he got transferred to St-Remy’s research for anxiety center, he fainted miserably. They called an ambulance. And both kicked him out. He then got inside the hospital, that healed him but made sure to kick him out again and again, sending him to their psychiatric aisle, the Saint-Albert Psychiatric Institute.

But all his things were inside the St-Remy. And just that made him terribly bad. With all this confused trouble, he totally forgot the presence of Annie, his social worker and psychologist:

« I’ll leave you at the entrance. I’ll have to go back to St-Remy, after. But I’ll try to call you just to know how you are doing, Guy-Manuel... »

Guy-Manuel raised his faded blue eyes on her, his thin lips curving into a fake smirk:

« Thanks for everything, Annie. »

She went silent and said:

« Please don’t give up kid, you are stronger than you think. »

They were now facing a huge grey building with a beautiful row of pine tree:

« Ça reste à voir ... » said Guy-Manuel darker than ever while shoving his cold hands in his black punk leather jacket...

* * *

 

**9:25 A.M, Saint-Albert’s Psychiatric Institute (Paris)**

« So, you are telling me that you had serious suicide idea but never did anything? »

Thomas nodded briefly. The nurse smiled:

« Perfect! Your registration is complete. We are in a rush but you should pass in less than an hour. You are next. As you know, no patient is allowed to leave though the visitors may go but they have to ask for it. Your bag will be locked in the locker number 4. Pick up everything you need because you won’t be able to access it until your visit here is over. »

Thomas nodded silently again and the nurse opened the door of the small room, he walked and sat on a chair, his mother looked at him with a nervous smile:

« So? »

Thomas explained everything and she couldn’t help but frown, in a deep sigh:

« It’s so strict... But I guess we have no choice. »

She picked up a magazine and started to read. Thomas sighed and opened his apple, lowering the volume as he was listening to Little Saint-Nick, the only Christmas song he liked because it was made by the Beach Boys.Suddenly, the door opened and someone entered. Thomas eyes glared at the new patient with interest: it was a boy, who seemed to have the same age as Thomas who couldn’t help but stare at him. He had blue eyes. Beautiful blue eyes. But blue as a cold sea: a cold sad sea... His skin was blemish, white as the snow, sickly thin and sometimes dotted with bruises. His lips were trembling slightly, thin and dry merely pink paler than his skin. His long greasy brown hair were falling on his shoulder. The boy was beautiful, a noble faded beauty who sure made Thomas melted in a way or another. The young boy gave his coat to the security guard who mumbled something. The boy then sat down in a corner, on the ground. Thomas looked down as the young boy rested his head on the wall, playing nervously with his ripped black and white sweater.  He looked exhausted.

The day would be long, so long.

* * *

 

**10:05 A.M**

Thomas was tired. Why was it so long? He looked up, as a bad migraine started to make his head heavy. His mother almost finished the magazine. Cheesy Christmas songs were blasting out of the odd speakers in the room, just like to make everyone remember it was the most beautiful time of the year. Adding the sounds of the laughs and the voices coming from a conversation between the secretary and the nurse, so superficial over stupid things like rumors and chatting; it was pure torture. Thomas blinked twice and almost growled when he realized he wasn’t having a nightmare... Tears fell on his cheek. His mother noticed it and tried to cheer him up but couldn’t do more than holding his hand and telling him it would be fine.Thomas looked up and saw that the boy was in a public phone cabin inside the room, trying to call someone. The boy shove his hands in his pockets but couldn’t find the change. He burst into rage sobbing. Thomas frowned and then his expression saddened, and his mother, discretely, slid her cell phone in the pocket of Thomas who jolted but then, had no more reaction. He understood. He stood up and walked to the kid with shyness and excitement. He was shaking. He opened the doors of the cabin and looked down, meeting the look of the punk kid for the first time...

* * *

 

**10:30 A.M**

Guy-Manuel didn’t understand first why he could hear a voice. But as he looked to where it came from he felt even more stunned and surprised someone actually dared talking to him. He remained silent, his heart bumping furiously in his chest. Hazy, his eyes wide and tongue tied, he couldn’t move, like petrified by astonishment.

« Take it. » said the sweetest voice he ever heard « My mom and I saw you couldn’t make a call. Take it. It’s nothing »

The boy stood up, shaking. He took the phone still looking at Thomas like an alien. Or a miracle. The tall long faced and brown curled teen smiled weakly and Guy-Manuel gasped silently. Someone smiled at him. Thomas took a step back, understand he needed air. And Guy-Manuel went even paler... Someone understood him. So, after a small « thank you » that was mode stuttered than said, he opened the cell phone and called his father. He waited, praying for his dad to pick up. He picked up...

« Bonjour? »

Guy-Manuel froze and then he didn’t know what to say. He picked up, he looked at Thomas with watering eyes, filled with emotion, shock and gratefulness.

« Allo. It’s Guy-Manuel. »

Long silence. Then, teary voice:

« It’s been 3 month since I saw you. How are you? »

Guy-Manuel went straight to the point, shaking:

« I am in St-Albert. At the emergency. Can you pick up my things at St-Remy? I forgot my identity papers. My cell phone is dead. And I mean... I am alone... »

« Oui. Hold on, I’ll be there in an hour. The time to find the way on Google Map and I’m there. Take care. I-I am sorry, I’ll see you soon. »

Guy-Manuel hang off and then gave back the phone to Thomas. He looked at the boy, smiling and whispering:

« Merci. It is really kind of you and your mother... »

Thomas smiled and waved his hands:

« Oh trust me, it’s ... Nothing. It looked important... »

«It was. I owe you. No matter who you are. »

The two blushed and then Thomas stammered lamely:

« I-I hope e-everything will be fine ... »

Guy-Manuel coughed, and went back to his spot and Thomas did the same but both were smiling.

Both were smiling...

 

* * *

 

**14:00 P.M**

 

« What is that? And who is taking care of my turkey if we are here all day! »

Madame Bangalter sighed, exhausted. She looked at the time for the millionth time and sighed louder. Thomas looked at her and said:

« Hey Mon! We live at one minute from the hospital, you can go. I will call you when it will be my turn and you can go watch on the turkey since we have the party tomorrow. »

She gasped and whispered;

« And you’ll be fine? »

Thomas nods and she said:

« You are so brave. Je t’aime, I will try to be there as soon as I can. »

She kissed him on his forehead and left. Thomas looked straight ahead. Suddenly, he noticed the presence of a cute little woman. She had a blanket around her and she was rocking herself softly. Thomas looked at her and then took out a notepad and started to draw pointless doodles to pass the time. After a while, he noticed she was staring at him with a smile. He looked up at her and she said:

« It’s so pretty! »

Thomas blushed:

« Oh it’s nothing ... »

She laughed and said:

« Oh no for me it’s so pretty... »

Thomas looked at his doodle and frowned. He cut the sheet and took the draw, he gave it to the girl and said:

« Here. Merry Christmas, it’s for you. »

Emotional, the old little woman took the draw and carefully shove it into her purse, saying with joy:

« I’ll put it in a nice frame monsieur! »

Thomas giggled and then the old lady said;

« Sometimes, talent starts little. It’s by doing it again and again and again that you become a great artist... I’m sure you will... »

Thomas nodded and thought it was sad that such an adorable lady could feel so alone at Christmas:

« Oh I remember, you know, my daughter used to work in publicity. Everyone wanted her to be a science biologist just because she had good grades in science. Sweet Jesus hell no I said!

Huhehot, oh là là, sometimes people are mad. Complètement fous! Huhuhu! »

Thomas wasn’t sure if he had to laugh. She picked up a sugar Christmas cane candy and ate it, before adding:

« Oh. I said: no darling, I want you to love what you do. And am not she regret it when to study marketing! She makes money out of her passion and that, makes me happy. When you have a passion you are happy! And you are talented! You have a talent! Don’t waste it young man! It’s important. I can tell ya you’ll go far... »

Thomas looked at his notepad. It was usually the notepad he used to write simple melodies he would then translate to future house mix. She whispered, patting his thighs with a friendly smile:

« But at that point only you knows how far you can go. I’ll think of that when I’ll look at that beautiful draw of yours, young kid ... »

She smiled one more time and fell asleep. Thomas dreamily stared into nothing, inspired and reflecting on what she said. Until a voice said:

« It’s kind of you. »

The old woman was staring at a picture of a cat she carried in her purse. He looked around and found out the punk dude was looking at him. For a reason he ignored he felt his heart racing happily, and his cheeks burning; for sure he was blushing...

He coughed and scratched his head, nervously:

« Oh oh... It’s nothing... »

« You are too humble. Just say thanks. »

Thomas gasped, squirming a bit as he said:

« Yeah, thanks... »

And both were smiling again.

**14:39 P.M**

A security guard, a different nurse, a tall nice black man with a warm smile, were trying to call Mme Blanche, the old lady, down to earth:

« They told me to come at 9 here! I saw three doctors! Three generalist’s doctors! No psychiatrist! Why I am not allowed to leave? To eat? It’s been two days since I didn’t ate. »

If the security guard who was more than twice her size in length and width, was rolling his eyes, tired of her shit, his hand on a radio ready to call the emergency team, the nurse was calm and patient:

« Madame, we are keeping you in watching internment. But, if you want to cooperate, you will be out soon and you’ll be able to see your family... »

She yielded, scratching her arm nervously. She hissed, slowly slipping away in that troubled word, deeply in absence of reality:

« I don’t have any family. It’s the gestapo here! You want us to be free from out trouble huh sir? Yet you keep us captive! Captive! Is it the gestapo or a place to leave? »

Thomas saw a light passing briefly in the eyes of Joseph, who was the nurse, a light if sadness, if powerless pity and compassion. But it didn’t last long because in the best second he was back in that brain-washing warm and soothing calm voice, as he pushed her mechanically to the office of the doctor, leaving Guy-Manuel and Thomas alone.

Before leaving, Mme Blanched turned her head and shouted:

« I tell ya youngsters! It’s gestapo. »

Guy-Manuel exchanged a look to Thomas who was crying. He said:

« Allo. Why are you here? »

Thomas smiled weakly and said:

« Oh-oh... I just have big sad periods and I’m so depressed and sometimes I’m happy. »

Guy-Manuel sighed his eyes closing at half. He was looking at the ugly yellowish roof. He said:

« Bipolar? »

Thomas nodded and whispered:

« I wasn’t planning that for Christmas ... Really. »

Guy-Manuel said:

« Yeah me to... »

« I hate being there. »

Guy-Manuel chuckled:

« It’s not my first time here. Once you’re locked, they keep you there. »

« Like the ...the gestapo? »

They both laughed weakly and then Thomas growled as « It’s the most wonderful time of the year » began to play triumphantly at the radio.

« It’s the third time! Yuck! »

Guy-Manuel chuckled, whispering:

« It’s boring. Yeah »

Thomas smiled and said:

« The only Christmas songs I like are Christmas lights of Coldplay, wonderful Christmas time by McCartney and Little St Nick because it’s the Beach Boys! »

Guy-Manuel smiled and said:

« You like the Beach Boys but what about Cindy So Loud and Darlin? »

Thomas giggled and said:

« They are so underrated ... »

Thomas then walked up to Guy-Manuel and sat with him , they talked about everything about the fact that  Guy-Manuel played guitar , that he liked old music group like Led Zeppelin , Kiss , Nirvana and Pink Floyd. Thomas found out they had the same music taste. Thomas found out that as much as Guy-Manuel was talking he couldn’t help but feeling a special connexion between him and this total stranger.  Was it because of the pathetic of the situation? Was it because of the feeling they were sailing the same sea? That he was the poor victim of a bailing and coward captain who chose not to sink with his boat and let his crew sailing to the death in a broken, pitiful and weak raft? A small raft adrift on an impetuous and indecisive sea, a picture of a fatal tragedy depicting impending shipwreck on a black sky with raging hurricanes, anger winds, vicious currents and abysmal suffering  of infinite dizzying chasms? The prodigious storms and indomitable? Was he a part of this crew, of this raft crew, who was condemned to sail by the will of the sea only? Was he, like Thomas, hoping that a ship would, in a daze of sunlight, save his poor soul from the death of a vicious sea only waiting in haste to swallow him into its darkness? Maybe. Maybe they were both some Géricault characters, figures of the romantic bohemian art of agony and maybe, yet maybe, Guy-Manuel felt the same. Because as Thomas was looking into his eyes he could tell Guy-Manuel was as lost as him. Guy-Manuel then stopped and answered the question that confirmed they were all part of the same sadness:

« Why am I here? »

Guy-Manuel took a deep breathe. Because it takes a lot of courage to tell your sadness without protecting your broken heart from possible pains caused just by the look others have on it. It’s taking a leap of faith into no guarantee of success to start looking for someone who understand us. It’s not about how plenty there is fishes but about how plenty there is races of them while one is looking for a specific one; of course, no one yet understood that love and mutual compassion isn’t easy as a simple childish fishing session.

« Well I am here because if the fact I have depression and some personality trouble. I harm myself, and this is why I am here. I also have drug problems but that is another story. »

He went silent, muting himself by fear of saying too much. But Thomas smiled and said:

« Hey at least you are here. By yourself. You are trying to take your destiny in hands. You tell me you try to go back to finish your college because you dropped off when you started to do rehab? It’s great! No matter how long it takes the most important is to never give up and one day you will make it! »

«It’s harder than you think. »

« But when you believe. I believe that if you work hard you can make it. I don’t like Drake but I agree on something he said; started from the bottom now you’re here! Many start from nothing! There is always a drop of light in a sea of darkness! »

Guy-Manuel looked at him and suddenly he realized how close he was from Thomas:

« White, black... When they melt it’s just grey. »

Thomas blushed and stuttered:

« It-it’s better than Black. »

Guy-Manuel giggled, he raised an eyebrow and rolled his eyes:

« Oui, c’est mieux que noir. »

* * *

 

**16:35 P.M**

« I am a huge nerd. »

« And who am I to judge you? I don’t like putting label. »

« My room is covered of posters of Star-Wars. »

He giggled:

« Oh, ahaha, on that you win. But I already bought a pyjama with lyrics of Nirvana on it. Because I love the song so much. »

Thomas winked, trying to show off lamely:

« Smells like teen spirit? »

Guy-Manuel shook his head, with a haughty expression:

« More like Smells like the only nirvana song you know. »

« Ok ... I do admit it’s the only one I know but ... »

A woman, with puffy brown hair curled up in a tock, a stethoscope hanging on her neck with intelligent deep eyes looked walked into the room. She frowned, looked at them and looked up at the registration pad. Her eyes widens and she asked:

« Does one of you actually saw a psychiatrist and are waiting for their second appointment? »

The boys shook their head and she went pissed off. She rushed into the secretary office. The secretion, Claire was talking with Nurse Marie about her relationship problems:

« And then I told him like; can’t you go by yourself? Its two o clock damn it oh my god what is wrong with him. Like I’m about to tell him to sleep on the couch cuz like I’m not his mother and like he is 30 whatever I’m like totally not going to just do like his mother who is like always  treating him like a puppy like ... »

« Claire? Marie »

They stopped, as if they were caught red hand. One stood up and said:

« Oui, Nurse Joy? »

She sighed:

« Why isn’t Mr. Bangalter and De Homem Christo passed yet? »

« We we... We don’t know! Mr. Dumoulin is arriving at 5 and ... »

Nurse Joy tried to be calm:

« And they are waiting since 9? Claire, go find two food plate for them, poor guys who haven’t ate all day. Marie, I want you to transfer their file to the psychiatrist office. »

The two nods and they all went in separate directions. Nurse Joy sighed, exhaling the pressure and the stress and she went back to the waiting room and said:

« I’m so sorry you stayed for so long it’s not normal.  Your plates should be back soon since you didn’t ate. There is something wrong with the system...but sometimes we’re powerless. But I try to make the decent job I am supposed to do. We are all humans, after all. »

* * *

 

**16:40 P.M**

The plate of Thomas arrived first on a cart and then Guy-Manuel had only the plate. Nurse Joy suggested Thomas should share the space on the cart which he accepted, with enthusiasm. Thomas was happy...

« It looks like we are sharing a Christmas dinner ... »

Guy-Manuel blushed, opening his cup of milk as Thomas was picking up his fork to eat the almost baked chicken with dry French fries that was his meal, he took his dessert, or what he thought was dessert...

« I don’t see it that way; the food is horrible! I wonder if it’s a cake or a pudding ... I am not sure »

Thomas looked at him. At their proximity.

« Imagine you are with a girl you like. »

He smiled, at him;

« I’m bi so I don’t really care. »

Thomas smiled, blushing, his heart beating faster. He looked at him and found out Guy-Manuel was so beautiful. Like a cold beauty. A sad beauty. His thin lips like pouting when he was looking at something. Thomas wanted to hold him. He didn’t know why. He just wanted to ... Hug him. He was so cute. Guy-Manuel finished his plate just like Thomas and whispered:

« I won’t forget you. You and your mother are so kind. People like this are rare. »

Thomas looked down and his heart melted as he heard the piano notes of Christmas Lights softly playing on the radio. He blushed and whispered tenderly:

« Honestly, you made me happy. I never thought I could find happiness in this place. »

But he found Guy-Manuel.

Guy-Manuel looked deeply at Thomas, his heart beating abnormally:

« I’m Guy-Manuel. I can give you my ... »

« Phone number. I am on Facebook. Thoms Bangalter. »

« I only add people I know. »

Thomas looked down sadly:

« Ohh... »

He took a deep breath and, after a long period of silence he took out his wrist brand. He took the hand of Guy-Manuel who gasped, as Thomas place it in his palm whispering:

« Here. You deserve a gift at Christmas and I want you to have one. You inspired me and changed me. Don’t give up. I-I ... I hope you will think of me when you’ll see that ... Merry Christmas, Guy-Manuel. »

At this moment, the mom of Thomas arrived in the waiting room but stopped, as she saw her son smiling to someone else. She stared at the scene, her hand on her mouth, crying of joy and emotion:

« Thomas... It’s wow. We will. »

This time, he stared deeply into Thomas eyes, whispering tenderly:

« Definitely see each other again. »

At that moment someone called Thomas. His mother came in. But as he walked to the psychiatrist Room he looked one last time to Guy-Manuel who ran to him and gave him his number. But as he gave him, he squeezed Thomas hands and Thoma found out he was holding the wrist brand.

But Thomas was taken in the hallway and Guy-Manuel disappeared from his vision.

* * *

 

**18:45 P.M**

They were keeping Thomas for one night. At the hospital. Thomas came back from his appointment even sadder than before. He looked up and saw Guy-Manuel looking at him. The time stopped , as Guy-Manuel looked at him ,trying to walk to him . But , for a reason that Thomas ignored , someone was holding him back. Guy-Manuel was trying to say something to Thomas but couldn't . Thomas wanted to say good bye to Guy-Manuel but his mother was pushing him to the exit. Oh no. Was it the last time he had to see Guy-Manuel ? No..No.. Thomas felt a painful lump in his throat . It was too late to go back. He was now outside  the emergency room.  Walking to another corridor. To another place . To another world. Guy-Manuel was now far  behind , with all this night that left Thomas in a more than puzzled state , his straddling dream and reality. Because everything was so strange ,so morbid that it felt more like a nightmare , something unrealistic. And Guy-Manuel , the only thing that made this weird experience less insane was far behind. But then, he shove his hands on his pocket to meet the little yellow paper folded in four. He smiled, happy, to see it was here. Safe and sound. He smiled singing Christmas lights. 

* * *

 

**23:20 P.M**

Thomas was now in his hospital bedroom. The rain started to fall and his tears started to stream. He recalled happy moment that made him fall happy. Like when he left the emergency room. And he saw Guy-Manuel hugging his father who was waiting for him to pass. Like his mother who made joke that if he wouldn't be able to leave tomorrow, she would bring the turkey and the party to his room. Thomas looked at his stuff all placed on a side table near his bed. He looked up and sighed. Next to him, a curtain was separating him from his companion. He looked down.  And cried. He saw the rain falling and whispered:

"The sky is grey."

And then, he heard someone, crying as well whispering;

"But it's better than black. »

Thomas gasped and placed his palms on the wall. He cried and heard Guy-Manuel doing the same. Thomas cried, and said:

"As soon as I'm out I will text you"

Guy-Manuel whispered:

"I’ll find you on Facebook. Sleep. Good night Thomas. »

Thomas closed his eyes and heard;

"This wristband is so beautiful"

And he fell asleep, smiling.

And in fact, both were smiling.

 


	2. 25 December 2014

**Christmas Day , 9:30 , St-Alberts Hospital .**

  
Thomas blinked two times . He saw the yellowish roof and immediately knew where he was .

« Merry Christmas … »

He looked and saw a nurse . She had short red hair and blue eyes .

« How are you feeling ? Well I know it’s odd to ask but… You look not that bad for someone who spend his first night at the hospital . »

« Are you … Are you a nurse ? »

She laughed and her laugh was do contagious and beautiful that even Thomas smiled as she said :

« Oh no ! I am your psychiatrist ! You saw a generalist doctor yesterday. ; as you were sucidal we clearly saw you were not able to go back . Well , it is what I’m reading on your file . How do you feel this morning ? »

« I don’t know … I am feeling anxious , but … I guess , I guess I have to live … I feel anxious since my sister … »

His voice cutted and he looked down . Tears fell and the psychiatrist , who was rather young sat next to Thomas and gave him a box tissue :

« It is normal to feel what you feel. But , we won’t let you alone in this . Trust me . You told the nurse you couldn’t sleep well uh ? Is it all the nights or some nights ? »

« Some nights . »

She took notes and said with a crystalline voice :

« You feel better than today. I don’t want to keep you in the hospital ; because you wouldnt feel any better : what you need is rest and time to live your mourn . And accept your sadness . I suggest you this therapy for anxious person . It’s not far from there . I also suggest you to find a good psychiatrist . And I can’t make any prescription but I … »  
  
« I know…I wish you could be my psychiatrist ! »

She smiled and gave her a card :

« Becaude you’re cool I’m giving you my card with my number . You can call me if you need to talk . I am calling your mom and you will be able to leave . If you feel suicidal , call us and come . Ok ? »

« Ok. »

She smiled and said :

« I’m not allowed to do that but here is something from the patient of the room 2.3 Aurevoir monsieur Bangalter ! »

She gave him a silver wristbrand and a letter . She let Thomas gather his things and went to call his mom . Thomas smiled with excitement and read the letter :

« Thomas ,

You are a total stranger. But can you be my friend ? I suck at making friends. Anyway , I heard you crying last night and I thought you deserved to be happy. So here is a silver wristbrand. It’s really dear to me so be carefull. I don’t celebrate christmas but anyway , here is a gift.

… If you want to know more about it maybe we can see each other outside of this fucking jail ? If not then …

Adieu ,

Guy-Man. »

Thomas smiled and looked at the chain with a small pyramid . He smiled and latched it . He walked and got dress before waiting for the Dr Raymond  to come back. She came back and said :

« Your mom is at the hall . You can leave . »

* * *

 

**10:45   , Hall of St-Albert's Hospital.**

Thomas sighed and folded the letter carefully. He smiled and walked down the hall. His mother talked to the psychiatrist and they left. Walking to the parking , his mother hugged him deeply. Thomas couldn’t help but hug her , she was crying . But when her mother cried , she looked like the strongest woman on earth : she would do it in silence , in calm , and through the tears that would stream on her face you could always a see a smile. People who learned to smile while they cried are people who understood that it’s ok to survive to live later . Are people who though they fall , have to get up and fight . Because life gave them no choice. And everytime Madame Bangalter would look down at her son , it seemed to be a leit motiv to the only thing , that sometimes , could make her move on through terrible things.

Thomas. She still had him. And who would let him down ? Not her.

Thomas patted her back . He clutched her caramel fur coat . He nuzzled his face , suddenly feeling so litte , like a kid , in need of his mom’s support. He sighed and looked at her . Her mascara was smearing her cheek. He tilted his head and wiped it off . She giggled and kissed his hands .

"Even if i’m not the mother I wanted to be I’ll be there for you."

Thomas bit his lips and said , looking down at his silver wristbrand , reflecting the shy dazy sun rays of an early christmas morning:

"Sometimes it’s not that we are not , it’s that we have no chance to be . Sometimes time won’t allow us. But it’s important to always try."

She tousled his hair and pinched his cheeks :

"You become what you want honey. Be yourself. No pression ok ? You are what you are and haters gonna hate !"  
Thomas laughed and opened the side-door of their car , shouting :

"Haters gonna hate ?"

She slid in the car and took out her keys :

"It’s not full "swag" to say that ?"

Thomas smiled and rolled her eyes :

"The last time you heard the word swag you thought it was a fashion sport mark !"

She squirmed and coughed, starting the car who roared hoarsely :

"That’s what happen when you write "i want swag clothes " on your christmas list "

Thomas burst out of laughters as her mom pressed the gaz pedal to take the main highway.

* * *

  
**Christmas Day , 11:30 , Home of the De Homem-** **Christo**

Guy-Manuel was lying on his tiny bed with his broken laptop open on his facebook profile . He was looking at his wristbrand and he was smiling like an idiot. He heard a pop sound . He frowned as a little red number one appeared , telling him he had one unread notification. He smiled and clicked on and a big smile appeared on his face , he clicked on accepted and immediately went to stalk his face. He smiled and suddenly a bing sound blasted out his speakers and a chatbox popped on his window. It was Thomas who sent a big message :

'Bonjour. I hope you will reply to this . I read your letter. Of course I want to see you. But now where are you ? How are you. I wonder what kind of christmas you’re having . Is it grey like me ? Yesterday , you made me smile. Merry Christmas.:)  Hope to hear about you soon ! -Thomas.

Guy-Manuel rested his chin on a pillow and replied to him lazily but carefully.

'Bonjour. I am at my father’s house. The crisis center don’t want me back…:/ I am passing christmas at his house… After that ? I might go to the place I was before . I have no home . I only know places. Even if we don’t know each other , I’m glad you talked to me . ;)'  
  
He pressed the enter k and sent it . Anxiously waiting for the little “seen” to pop up. Immediately , Thomas sent a message :

Oh ! Great.  :D Then you are still in Paris :D … And … How it’s going , with your father ?  '

Guy-Manuel sighed as a flashback from yesterday started like an old film in his head :

***********************************************************************************************************

 

> _**Yesterday , 17:36 , St-Albert.** _
> 
> _Guy-Manuel was squirming , in silence , on the black uncomfortable chair with his father next to him. Thomas had just leave for his appointment. Guy-Manuel flicked his tongue , looking around at an old poor men who was clearly physically sick as his legs were bigger than ordinary. He sighed . No way to avoid his father ._
> 
> _"So ,how’s mom ?"_
> 
> _His father jolted , surprised thst Guy-Manuel actually dared talking to him and said , turning his blue gaze to him :_
> 
> _"She is doing fine. Since you ran away…"_
> 
> _"I didn’t ran away they took me away not the same shit…"_
> 
> _He kicked his feet together , nervous. His father sighed sadly and whispered :_
> 
> _"Son , I know we … That our family is not what it used to be but Paul , me and Rosa misses you. A-and I’d like if you could come …celebrating christmas in Neuilly with us . This year. "_
> 
> _Guy-Manuel frowned and hissed :_
> 
> _"I tried. And either one make fun of my orientation or either someone call me junky. "_
> 
> _His father embarassed , was staring at him , tongue tied :_
> 
> _"B-but."_
> 
> _Guy-Manuel glared at him , with cold:_
> 
> _"I’ll come for Paul. But if …if one more thing …"_
> 
> _His father cried , holding him in his arms , Guy-Manuel was paralysed  ; he didn’t know what to say . He just noded and said :_
> 
> _"It’s ok dad … It’s ok"_
> 
> _**_   
> _Guy-Manuel sent him . He sihed and waited and then Thomas sent him :_
> 
> _"Woah. And anything else happened ?"_   
> _Guy-Manuel took a second to think and then typed furiously “_
> 
> _"OUI ! Sometimes , I wonder where all the nice people went …"_
> 
> \---
> 
> **_Yesterday , 18:58 at St-Albert_ **
> 
> _Guy-Manuel was still waiting. He looked at the old man who was now rocking himself. Guy-Manuel shook his head and shouted :_
> 
> _"Nurse Joy ? "_
> 
> _The tenacious nurse popped up and said :_
> 
> _"Oui ? "_
> 
> _Guy-Manuel sighed and said :_   
> _“This poor man needs a civiere  !”_   
> _Nurse Joy shook her head and yelled :_   
> _“Someone bring me a civiere ! “_
> 
> _Guy-Manuel stood up and took his chair , to help the poor man ; he slid his chair under the legs of the man who growled but had no other reaction. When Guy-Manuel turned his head to his father , he saw him crying and Guy-Manuel just said :_
> 
> _"I’m doing what mom would do. "_
> 
> _Suddenly , a guy pushing a coviere appeared . Guy-Manuel smiled but then saw that the man was waiting for the sick man to move when obviously , the patient wasn’t in the state to do anything . The guy then yelled at the man , with violence and impatience, pointing him  :_
> 
> _"Et alors ?? Ca vient là . Dude , I’m talking to you shit , come on I don’t have all the day ."_
> 
> _Everyone was shocked and everyone was silent. But Guy-Manuel , not giving a fuck , stood up and said ;_
> 
> _" Excusez - moi ?!? Ca va pas non ? Putain ! Don’t you see he is sick and can’t move ??? How dare you go talking like that to patient ? "_
> 
> _His father tried to sit him down and then he saw the security guard and the other nurses coming to him to calm him down :_
> 
> _"Sir , I ask you to sit down ! Silence , please "_
> 
> _Guy-Manuel crying of rage , didn’t and said :_
> 
> _"But don’t you see the injustice there ? Who are you standing for ? The people ? "_
> 
> _"SILENCE!"_
> 
> _Guy-Manuel yelled and his father gasped as he shouted :_
> 
> _"JUSTICE ! DIGNITY, JUSTICE SIR , DO YOU HEAR TO JUSTICE ???"_
> 
> _Nurse Joy took him and seperated from the security guard she then said something that marked Guy-Manuel forever :_
> 
> _"Sit down . You are not mad , but those who ask for silence will never listen . We don’t listen if we ignore…"_
> 
> ************************************************************************************************************

**Christmas Day , 11:46 , Home of the De Homem-Christo**

Guy-Manuel typed the last word of his message explaining what happened yesterday and pressed the ''enter'' key on his keyboard. After a few seconds , Thomas sent a '' :/ '' emoticone and replied : 

'Shit , it's so deep . Nurse Joy was sure something. She was so bad-ass. Yeah , she was competent . Anyway. I can't wait to see you ? I mean IF YOU ARE OK WITH THIS ! .'' 

Guy-Manuel giggled as ''Thomas was still typing '' sending short sentences : 

'I MEAN.'

'Look if you don't want to...'

' I understand if you are busy but...' 

Guy-Manuel sent a smiling emoticone and said : 

'Of course. When I'm finished with family . God , I hate christmas. I wish this holiday would never...' 

But Thomas didn't leave him the time to send the rest of his sentence as he sent a fast : 

' DON'T SAY THAT ! ' 

'We...met each other. It's a good reason to save christmas :$ <3 '

Guy-Manuel laughed ; did Thomas sent an heart. He smiled and typed carefully : 

'' :p Sure. I guess , lol . Anyway , ttyl , I have to go , family time . -_- I'll try to log on today , I promise ! '

Guy-Manuel closed his Facebook glancing one more time at his wristbrand , nervous . He haven't seen his father and his family since... he .Guy-Manuel closed his eyes , swallowing his tears. The boy turned his back to his room walking to the door. 

Time to help his father out...

* * *

 

**Christmas Day , 17:30,  at the Bangalter's house :**

It was christmas night and everyone was there , to enjoy a good party aroound the delicious buffet that the mother of Thomas did . A soft vinyl of Bing Crospy was muttering some old fashioned christmas song , covered by the loud voices of the main discussion that the Bangalter family were having at the same time .  Thomas knew there were other lesbian and gay people in his family .But still , he was nervous. Everyone was there ; his aunts , cousins and grand-mother and grand-father. Gathering around a christmas feast , they were all so happy , talking and laughing with each other , drinking wine and eating good french food . Thomas wanted to cry; no , he wasn't happy. He felt terribly bad ; like if he wasn't in his place. He felt he was like an alien here. Everyone had finished their plate now and his mother , smiling joyfully , was clearing the table , getting ready for the dessert. Thomas looked at them all . He then gasped , pale as a ghost , looking down at his knees. He could feel his heart beating in his soaring throat. He felt trapped with his secret. 

He looked at his mother...Will she forgive him.  Was he about to ruin the party ? 

Thomas took a deep breathe. He couldn't take it any longer . He stood up . Everyone stopped talking and looked at him , with interest. Silence among the Bangalter and Thomas cried , laughing at the same  time . He spitted out : 

''Everyone...I'm...I'm bisexual. I love both girls and boys.''

A heavy and emotional silence fell on the crowd . His grand-father smiled and said : 

''Bon. I guess that it's ...''

* * *

''WRONG ! IT'S SO WRONG ! HOW DARE YOU LET YOUR SON BE LIKE THAT ! IT'S A SHAME ! ''

**Meanwhile the same Christmas Day , 17:31  ,  at the  Home of the De Homem-Christo :**

Guy-Manuel knew something would go wrong ; because something always go wrong. What had he expected ? That his family would go all fluffy saying things like : ''I guess it's perfectly fine '' or ''It's ok , we accept you .'' Of course not ! Thinking that it was a good idea to choose a christmas family party to tell his gay was stupid. At least , with his family , it was . His Grand-Father , who was tipsy and by far , the most homophobic person in the room , was out of control and was yelling over Guy-Manuel for one long minute and Guy-Manuel couldn't help but brace himself as he was getting all that like a rain of bullets targetting him . Now he was just in a middle of damn mess , shaking of madness and pain :

''But I am the same ! Grand- dad why won't you ....''

''HOW DARE YOU !!! I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH ANYMORE !!!! ''

Guy-Manuel was cold as ice but inside a fire was taking over , burning his  heart into ashes . He saw his father ,mother ; his brother , his friend , Gabriel , and his cousins ; all were looking at him . Like a monster. With pity. Fear. Disgust. What the hell . 

His father had the gust to try to calm down the fight : 

''Please , dad , I know he disappointed you but .''

''DISAPPOINTED ? '' exploded Guy-Manuel , screaming with rage . 

''SHUT UP ! '' yelled his grand-father. 

Silence. Then , a shy curly boy , with brown curls and green eyes , the friend of Paul shyly stuttered : 

''M-Maybe we could eat the turky instea...''

''I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM ! '' yelled again the Grand-Father  of Guy-Manuel. Guy-Manuel burst into tears and ran upstairs , slamming the door of his bedroom in tears . He curled up on his bed. 

He cried for a good hour ; he could hear that downstair, the party was still going on ; everyone forgot what just happened and it made Guy-Manuel more mad than ever. Suddenly . He heard three knocks. He jolted. He walked and opened ; he saw Gabriel Arcand , a friend of Paul. He knew him for a long time. He was like his little brother. Gabriel walked in , stuttering :

''Are you ok ? It was really horrible from your family . ''

Guy-Manuel noded and let him in . Closing the door. They both sat on the bed , their back lying against the wall. Gabriel took Guy-Manuel's hand who gasped. He then talked with a teary voice :

''You know. You aren't the only one. To be ... bisexual. I am...too. ''

Guy-Manuel gasped and looked at Gabriel who smiled and cried. He whispered :

''I have a crush on you . But I know... We are just best-friend ...''

Guy-Manuel's expression saddened and he whispered :

''I don't want to break your heart.But it is  , we are nothing more but best-friend ...But...''

Guy-Manuel closed his eyes , leaning close , kissing Gabriel's lips . Gabriel responded with a kiss and they softly started  to make out , in a nothing but purely physicall way . Guy-Manuel looked at Gabriel and crawled him in his arms , resting his chin on his head that was nuzzled against his chest . Gabriel cried . With all the strenght of the world , he knew he was not the one. But he knew there was another one. So he just whispered , clutching the t-shirt of Guy-Manuel like if he needed his protection :

''The man you like. Go find him. ''

Guy-Manuel raised his eyebrows , whispering :

''How did you knew I...''

''The wrist brand.'' retorted Gabriel , his eyes staring into the cold iris of Guy-Manuel with honesty ''I never saw you looking down to a wristband  with so much affection. And you don't usually wear anything related to LBTQ . So I figured out...''

Guy-Manuel looked at Gabriel who leaned his forehead and said :

''Go find him. Don't stay here. Leave. You need to be free. Trust me. Your family is ...''

'' I KNEW IT . GUESS THESE TWO RATS ARE DOING HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY , GET OUT !!! ''

His grand-father was banging the door furiously. Gabriel ran , and held the door , trying to block it . But it was bumping with force. Everyone was yelling. Guy-Manuel was terrified. If he stay he would be able to protect Gabriel , his fragile friend , against his violent and drunk Grand-Father but he would be beated up to death. But if he left... Gabriel would have all the  pain but he would be free. Gabriel cried , holding the door. He was so small and  thin. His eyes were teary and he yelled :

''GO , LEAVE! ''

''BUT GABRIEL ...''

''I SAID JUST LEAVE. PART , PUTAIN. PART ! '' 

 

Guy-Manuel was petrified . Confused. His head felt heavy. He gathered his things in a small bag and opened the window . He looked at Gabriel who was crying   , he could hear his Grand-Father yelling , and Gabriel who was shouting :

''GO , JUST GO ! ''

Guy-Manuel gasped , crying  ; he looked down outside . It wasn't that high. He jumped with his bag . He fell in the snow. He looked around and saw the bus coming. He looked up and heard the sound of yellings , cries and shouting and horrified , he heard Gabriel screaming and the sound of a bottle that we break on something...or someone ? He yelled  , his voice broken in tears  : 

''GABRIEL !!!NO...NO...NOT YOU... NO.NO.'' 

He saw his father opening the door . He ran to the bus stop , without looking back. He took out his bus card and sat on a bench . The bus driver looked at him weirdly but didn't asked question.   Guy-Manuel knew that bus ; it was taking him to the down town of Paris , near the hospital of St-Albert. The bus was empty .  He didn't knew where he was going. But he had to run away. Once again. Maybe he would go and sleep on bench in a park. Guy-Manuel ran to the back and looked through the window of the bus as he was seeing one of his ''home '' diseapearing in the distance.Suddenly , Guy-Manuel felt something heavy in his coat pocket , he didn't noticed  .He took out and it was ... a silver wristband . With an heart on it.Guy-Manuel burst into tears as he read the little note who was tied with it : «Merry Christmas to my first love. Never forget. Love , Gabriel .» Shakingly , Guy-Manuel latched it on the same wrist as Thomas' wristband . He kissed the note , and looked once again , through the bus window. His palm against the glass , trying to see but it was all blurred as the snow was falling and meting against the glass.

One of his home was diseapearing in the distance. 

Guy-Manuel looked up , searching for the window desesperately . 

And as he finally saw the window  , Gabriel was smiling at him from it , waving his hand...

With blood on his face. 

But the bus passed the street and turned a corner.

 

 

That was the last vision Guy-Manuel ever had of his best-friend.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get better .


	3. Late Night of the 25 december 2014 - 26 december 2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to teenagers who are sleeping outside . They exist . We should never forget them. This chapter is dedicated to all the trans , gay , queer and bi kids also that have it rough. In memory of them. All of them . I want to offer them a tribute. A tribute to their battle. I believe we write for a reason. And like A told me ... they deserve a chapter. It deserve a chapter. She deserve a chapter. We all deserve a chapter. Everyone. 
> 
>  
> 
> (ENHANCE YOUR READING TIME :first : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KlOodL9Gw4 and second https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rC8RRXcfeo)  
> \----  
> 

**On a park bench , 25 december 2014 , 19:59 , Parc Raimbault , Paris .**

Guy-Manuel collapsed on a bench park. It was so cold. He felt lost with himself. Crying , he curled on a bench . He saw people looking at him . Like if he was nothing but a dumb street boy. Just by lying like that , in the night , on a bench , he seemed to lost his humanity.But deep inside , even though he felt insane  , Guy-Manuel felt human. More than that , he felt like if he was a victim. A victim of himself. A victim of a closed-minded society . A victim of a deaf society . He wanted to scream . But if his family wouldn't listen to him , who would ? Certainly not the Parisians who were walking , throwing him weird look , like if he was nothing but a garbage pouch. 

So he took his bag as a pillow. He talked with some creepy homeless people . One actually shared a dry loaf of bread with Guy-Manuel and even shared a cigarette ; Guy-Manuel , having not enough money to buy cigarettes , was glad he could even smoke one. He even handed him one of his lighter. Guy-Manuel took it , though he seriously doubted it was working . The time passed it felt he was becoming nothing but a bounch of snow on a bench. He was shaking and his lips were pale blue ; it was so cold . Two hours passed but soon enough , Guy-Manuel lost the track of time. He was petrified , in shock , here outside. He smiled sadly as he realized this cold bench park was now his old new ''home.'' . He coughed .  He was frozen. All he had was his coat , his scarf , two holed glove and his boot.  No one could reach him ; his phone was dead . So all he could do , was wait. But wait for what ? For someone to find him dead the next morning ? For somneone to help him ? Both of those solutions were good to Guy-Manuel , but one of them was just a miracle. 

A fucking and dumb miracle  ...

Guy-Manuel suddenly felt like if he couldn't move. He was so cold . He was feeling dizzy and he was shaking. He tried to open his eyes but painfully , it was useless . The urge to sleep was too intense. Sleep to forget the cold. The snow storm. This night. His family . His life. Everything.He could see visions and hallucinations in his mind  ; Gabriel hanging himself with a  huge wristband , Thomas faces glowing in blue . Blood falling from the wristband. His grand-father turning into ta demon.

Thomas...Thomas...Then Gabriel again. Then Thomas...His brother. Poor brother. Won't see him again either. His insane mother screaming . His mother. He was nothing but a miserable homeless crazy kid. Who would save him ? No one. No fucking one. 

And the hours were passing.... The hours passing. No one came. No one. Guy-Manuel was just waiting for the end. End of the story . 

But even the end of the story didn't want him. 

A fucking and dumb miracle , yeah.

* * *

 

**Home of the Bangalter's , 25 December 2014 , 23:37 , Paris.**

Thomas smiled to his aunt , who gave him a last hug , saying : 

''I'm proud of you . As long as you are happy , it's ok. We accept you . ''

Thomas cried of happiness and whispered : 

''Merci. À bientôt ! '' 

And his mother and him closed the door. Her mother sighed , looking at all the dishes they had to wash tomorrow. Then her eyes went on his son. She grinned and poked his cheek , wrapping her arms around him , with emotion : 

''It's ok Thomas. I love you. Like who you are. Anyway , what do you want me to do ? You can be to boys ... to girls... to everyone ! As long... as you don't fall for animals.''

Thomas laughed and blushed : 

''Mom come on ! '' 

Thomas smiled and looked outside :

''What a storm...''

Her mother nods and she said : 

''We might have a power cut tonight ...''

As she said those words ... the electricity went down. 

''OH NO ! '' she shouted , running to see outside ; all the house of their quarters went black. All the street were in total black out. 

''See they heard you mom. '' ironized Thomas as he searched for candles , using his phone light to see in obscurity. Her mother groaned and said  : 

''Damn it. I think we don't have any bricker left . I have to go by  one at the grocery . '' 

Thomas said ; 

''I can go if you want ; it's not far , just need to cross the Raimbault park and I'm here ! You worked all the day . You can have some rest , it will take me like five minute. And I have my cell phone. ''

His mother and sighed and said : 

''Well... It's true that it's just five minutes from here ... ok fine but be careful. Who knows what can happen in a storm like that . I'll try to call your grand-mother , see if she have electricity. Be careful ! '' 

Thomas noded and took some money and went outside , walking in the direction of the park who was just outside his home.

* * *

 

**26 december , Near the Raimbault Parc , 00:26 , Paris**

Thomas was walking through the dark park to reach the street . He was really careful. Who knows. As he was following the main way he saw something on a bench . At first , he thought it was just a poor homeless guy but as he looked closely to his wrist...

Oh my god 

''GUY-MANUEL ! '' 

Thomas ran to the bench and tossed the snow , crying . The face of Guy-Manuel was so pale. But Thomas saw he was still breathing. Thank god. Thomas cried and a hot tear falled on Guy-Manuel's lips . He looked like a statue. He called his mother and when she picked up he screamed : 

''MOM I NEED YOU TO COME RIGHT NOW... I NEED YOUR HELP ! I'LL EXPLAIN LATER.''

His mother gasped but guess Thomas wasn't laughing and was serious , she hang up in a short ''Ok i'm comin.'' Thomas took the cold body of Guy-Manuel . Luckily , Thomas took some first aid course and he knew what to do in case of hypothermia.He took off his shirt and shivered but there was not a second to waiste. He cried  and shivered as he pressed the body of Guy-Manuel against his hot chest , wrapping his arms around  , taking his warm coat around. Guy-Manuel moaned , and Thomas gasped. He was alive. HE WAS ALIVE. 

''Oh god...why...Guy-Manuel it's me...It's Thomas...''

Guy-Manuel opened his eyes and saw Thomas , it was all blurred but it was Thomas. He mumbled his name and heard a women screaming and saw another running to him and then...Black out.

* * *

 (ENHANCE YOUR READING TIME :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rC8RRXcfeo)

**26 december , Bangalter's home , 00:30**

Guy-Manuel opened his eyes. He was naked. Where were his clothes ? What ? He wasn't dead ? 

''CALL AN AMBULANCE'' 

He wasn't dead. Angels don't scream with pain and pannic like that. He moved ; what was so heavy on him ? Blankets . A pile of blankets.

''THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING THOMAS!! '' screamed a women voice he seemed to recognize.

Wait. Thomas ? 

THOMAS ! 

''Thom..'' he muttered . Thomas gasped and said : 

''NEVERMIND MOM HE IS BACK ! HE IS OK  ! MERDE GUY-MANUEL ! '' 

Guy-Manuel was still cold  ; everything was dark except from the few candles who lit up the place . 

''Thom...'' said Guy-Manuel , tears spilling his eyes ''T-Thom ! ''

Thomas ran under the blanket , he realized , he was in his room. In Thoams room. The door was open. He couldn't see anything as he was still all foggy . But he saw a cup of hot drink , and that...someone took care of him. Thomas was with him. He was naked . Pressed against him. To ...make him warm. A miracle. A fucking miracle. Guy-Manuel cuddled Thomas , crying , not caring if he was naked he was so confused. His mother ran in the room , and then stepped back. 

''We can't do anything  tonight... the storm is so big...My car is stucked in the snow . We will have to wait tomorrow. Everything is closed to . Guess... he will spend a night with us. ''

She walked and Thomas made sure she couldn't see him under the blanket. She hesitated and then she kissed him on his forehead. Guy-Manuel cried. Just like a mother. Just like a family . 

He felt home. Safe ...and home. It was too good to be true. And then she whispered , tousling his hair with affection : 

'' When I saw you at the hospital , I don't know... You kinda caught my attention. I wanted to bring you food. But you refused just after , when I was waiting with Thomas. I don't know who you are but my son seems to like you a lot. We wil help you so please , for tonight , this is your home. I guess that now you are awake I will leave you to Thomas who told me he wanted to watch and take care of you. Good night folks. '' 

She closed the door and Guy-Manuel was speechless. 

In shock , he began to sob , loudly. Thomas held him in his arms . He then told him everything that happened since yesterday. Thomas listened carefully and Guy-Manuel kept on shaking with cold but now inside , he felt warm. Thomas kept hugging him. Thomas was feeling confused . It was the first time he was holding , nakked , a boy. Of course he did it because it was the thing to do to keep Guy-Manuel warm. But .. he felt so good. And surprised. It was like ... it felt suddenly so right. Like if there was nothing wrong. His heart was violently pouding . Guy-Manuel was so beautiful. So tiny , so small in his arms he was afraid to hurt him , but he wanted to hug him always tighter , and never ever let him go . It's like he wanted to hold him and he felt that as he was holding him , a useless and fruitless bond was blooming like a flower in a forest of bad thorns . It was like he was protecting him. And he loved the feeling he got inside when he protected him. Guy-Manuel stopped sobbing. He was feeling better. He could feel his arms , legs , toes , and fingers again. He was able to move but was weak. Thomas took out a cup of jasmine tea her mother did by making boil water near the fireplace and made Guy-Manuel drink it. The light of the candle suddenly flicked and half of the face of Guy-Manuel was lit up and Thomas gasped , so close to him. He realized how beautiful he were . How fragile but how beautiful he were.  His face was so pale  , his blue eyes were beautiful , looking back at him with sadness , passion , and weakness . His lips were shaking. His hair , all wet and messy were falling aside . Thomas blushed furiously and he was glad the light were out . Their faces were close . Guy-Manuel looked up at him and Thomas held Guy-Manuel's hand , whispering : 

''I don't want to break you ... I don't want to ... It's the first time... I hold a boy close like that. I-I am sorry...I just...f-feel s-so...It's so-so...''

Couldn't find his words he kissed Guy-Manuel softly , on his cheek . His heart was beating violently . It was so slow. And Guy-Manuel stiffened , but didn't moved away. His eyes were wide open right now. 

Thomas voice was low , nothing but a skaky murmur as he breathed : 

''Am I going too far?''

Guy-Manuel looked at him in the dark and his voice was nothing but a sexy low murmur : 

''Non.''

They stopped for a moment. Looking at each other , unsure of what they were doing.

Thomas blinked and whispered :

''Guy-Manuel I lo...''

''I know '' he said , with grief.

Thomas gasped and Guy-Manuel explained :

''I know you love me . But I don't love you . I can't . I can't Thomas . ''

Thomas felt his heart crushed , muted , he just kept rubbing Guy-Manuel cheek as he heard him quiver with fears :

 ''I am afraid of taking decision. I am not ready . Sorry. ''

Thomas shook his head whispering :

''It's ok ... The next morning I'll let you go . ''

Guy-Manuel nuzzled his face on the bare shoulder of Thomas who was fighting his tears . His heart was too shattered and broken to work right , and to love right . Thomas took Guy-Manuel's cold hands and whispered :

'' Oh, How sad it is that all love story don't end well in reality . Maybe it is why we sell unrealistic dream now our days. But I  don't care. If this love can't end well , then so be it . Because I have enough love to want you to be safe and protecting you from getting hurt. If loving you is hurting you , I shall let you go . Because love is also doing sacrafices to see the other person happy and this is how it is like , love , in real life. But ... can I ask for one favour ? ''

He sensed Guy-Manuel moving his head , he assumed Guy-Manuel was nodding. So he just said :

''S-Stay with me . F-For o-one night. L-let me love you for one night , p-please. I don't ask anything from you i-in return. I just need to love you . Because I do. So please stay.''

Guy-Manuel looked at him and said :

''But after... you need to promise me you won't see me again. ''

Thomas gulped , pale as a ghost. A single tear fell and instead , he smiled and breathed :

''Then... I'll make sure this is the best night of your life.''

Then , closing his eyes , he pressed his lips against Guy-Manuel's lips . With fear. Excitation.He was kissing his first boy . It felt so ... right. And amazing. Thomas moaned and Guy-Manuel giggled  as Thomas placed his hands lovingly  behind his the head of Guy-Manuel that opened his mouth  , like a paradise filled with warmth and sensuality . Thomas froze for a moment , pannicking  , shocked by the fact he was actually making out with a boy , starlted by how it felt like but the softness of the lips of Guy-Manuel , the scent of cigarette  ...everything was like a torrent of emotion and sensations bringing him close to cloud 9 . It was like he was beginning a new existence , he was washing his sin just by the touch of a lip brushing a earlobe . The sound of a sigh lost in the silence of the night that was like the deathly end that would engulfed them forever  . But a candle was , like a pale halo , shadowing of light the darkness of the room. It seemed to Thomas that even the eyes were glowing in the dark - even though they were filled with a gloomy sorrow and an endless pain he couldn't bare , even though he loved him  .  The snow was melting on the window , and a drip of saliva was hanging on Thomas's lips .

Thomas moaned , as Guy-Manuel was slowly trailing kisses on his neck . The kisses , blooming like flowers formed a garden  on Thomas  , blossoming on his shoulders , collarbone , chest and rib cage . Thomas back arched in a harmonius movement of pleasure , a sighs running away from his half-opened mouth. Guy-Manuel was naked and Thomas could feel his crotch brushing on his thighs. Now that they started , Thomas was lost in a transe , hypnotized by Guy-Manuel's tenderness  . How could he be so sweet and so delicate , just like a rose ? Thomas cried as Guy-Manuel kissed him. Guy-Manuel sighed and said :

''Don't cry , I am making love to you...''

Thomas catched his breathe and said :

''But you will leave me.''

Guy-Manuel cried and interrupted Thomas of a painful kiss. Thomas sighed and looked at Guy-Manuel that opened his legs  , lushfully looking at Thomas , his blue eyes filled with tears. Thomas grinned and leaned ; he sucked the tears of Guy-Manuel that giggled and cupped his face. Thomas looked to Guy-Manuel that noded and Thomas sighed , whispering : 

''It's my first time...''

Guy-Manuel smiled and whispered : 

''And I'm glad to be your first boy . Just thrust and move with me.''

Thomas noded and pushed himself inside Guy-Manuel . Guy-Manuel arched and threw his head in Thomas shoulder , moaning loudly against his skin. Thomas quivered as he felt he was in . He started to thrust mechanically but then Guy-Manuel slammed his hands on Thomas hips , guiding him , and suddenly , it felt like ecstasy.

Thomas was connected with Guy-Manuel. Their breathes , their bodies , their legs tangled , moving in the dark. Guy-Manuel held him closer and Thomas hitted deeper. Guy-Manuell sighed and , looking at each other they came at the same time . Guy-Manuel on his belly Thomas inside. Thomas was crying. It was his  first time and it felt amazing. 

And the angel he was holding in his arms was leaving him. 

 Guy-Manuel pulled off and lied his head on Thomas' chest and Thomas brushed Guy-Manuel hair.

''Stay with me...''

''No Thomas.''

''O-Ok but....''

And Guy-Manuel was sleeping in Thomas arms. 

* * *

 

**26 december ,  Bangalter's Home , 11:32 A.M**

 

 ''But where are you going to ... ? ''

''Don't worry , I will find my way. Thanks for the crepes , they were amazing , Madame Bangalter.''

The mother of Thomas sighed and kissed both of Guy-Manuel cheeks , just like the french politeness code was :

''You are welcomed here any time ok ...''

She looked at her son and whispered : 

''Well... I have something to do so yeah , i'm just going to let you do the teary-romantic scene and I'm just...''

''MOM! '' 

''Ok , ok ! '' she nervously laughed , escaping , leaving Thomas and Guy-Manuel alone. Thomas looked at Guy-Manuel and held back his tear. He then pinned Guy-Manuel on the wall , like that and kissed him. Guy-Manuel sighed ; Thomas was  hell of a good kisser.

''Leave before I hold you back .''

Guy-Manuel noded and pushed Thomas away , running away . Guy-Manuel was crying when he attempted the bus. He didn't where to go , but he already missed Thomas. He knew where he was going. He went to  a public phone and insert one euro . He then dialed the number and a french familiar voice said : 

''Oui Allô ?''

Guy-Manuel smiled : 

''Hi Cedric.''

Burst of cries : 

''GUY-MANUEL , PUTAIN. PUTAIN. PUTAIN-PUTAIN-PUTAIN , C'EST TOI MON VIEUX?? BORDEL . ''

Guy-Manuel cried : 

''Yes I'm still alive...''

Cedric sighed : 

''It's been one year since no one have news about you. Oh mon dieu. Where are you ? Are you still to your father's home ? ''

Guy-Manuel broke into tears and begged : 

''Dude. Just , please , let me stay one month. I'm going to find a job and pay you after one month. Is that good ? ''

Cedric sighed and said : 

''No Guy-Man , for you it's free. Come into my appartment. I'll make a bed for you. Remember how you used to stay at home after those long dj nights of yours ? ''

Guy-Man , cried , so happy : 

''It's so good to hear you again , bro. No homo.''

Cedric laughed : 

''Oh yeah , no homo indeed. So you're coming right now ? ''

Guy-Manuel smiled : 

''Yes. Je t'en dois une , connard.''

''Ok , petite merde. À plus. ''

And he hung off.

Guy-Manuel smiled. Sorry Thomas , I had to push you away ...But I'm going to find you again. 

Guy-Manuel looked at his wrist brand and whispered : 

''You will always remain my first choice.''

And we that , he walked down to Cedric's appartment.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the « » thing , it's because as a french canadian I have french keyboard and my keyboard was getting fucked up and couldn't do the " .." thing but , it's the same. You can say that « » is the french version of this : '' '' . More sexy , ugh ?


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